Moved

Hi!  I've moved to a new location.  Come over!  Burst of Fruit Flavor dot com.   :)

Something Worth Saying

So much going on!

I'm trying to do something creative and productive every day.  I don't always succeed but every day I wake up happy that I have another opportunity to try.

I did a big thing.  I signed up for a year long writing workshop.  It starts in September and meets every Monday night for three and a half hours.  Each session, the group "workshops" 30 page chunks of work.  I talked to the teacher and she said that the group consists of some published novelists, some novice writers and others that are in the process of writing their novels/memoirs.  I need to have a good amount, at least 30 pages, written by the first meeting.

Each step forward I take surprises me.  A few years ago, I would have laughed in disbelief if someone told me that I would be doing a year long writing workshop so that I could put my memoir together.  But here I am, writing a little, reading a lot, putting deposits down on ONE YEAR workshops!  Just crazy.

Also, as promised, I'm giving up anastasiaspeaks.com.  In a week or so I will be transitioning to a new website.  The blog itself will be same but it will have a different URL/web address.  I haven't found anything I absolutely love, which hasn't already been taken, so it might be the one I mentioned last week:  www.writingdownyourlife.com.  It's simple and describes both what I'm doing and what I advocate for everyone.

Lastly, life has been so fun with my boys lately.  They say funny things and give me lots of hugs.  I'm grateful for this time and hope that the hugs never stop, even when they're ornery teenagers.  :)

Don't Turn It On

Not news but TV is the devil.

If I don't turn it on, I'm good.  All day, productive, creative, thinking, doing.  But God forbid I turn it on just for a few minutes to watch reruns of my favorite sitcoms (Frasier, Everybody Loves Raymond).  I'll be stuck there for way too long, wasting the precious time I have each day to do other much more important, creative, and necessary things.

Breath.  OK, now that I'm at my desk and the TV is off I'm ready to do things. 

I hope you're having a great day and that you are doing things!  :)

Thought of the Day

What would we do if we knew we could not fail?

Using Your Voice

Happy Mother's Day!!!

So far, mine has been relaxing and yummy.

In terms of the writing, I went to my first workshop yesterday.  It was a one day class on personal essay writing.  I got some good tidbits and met some interesting people but I need to find something that is more tailored to what I need help on, structuring a book, finding my voice, working on style etc.  I am looking at taking a year long workshop that is being offered by a writer in my neighborhood that meets every monday night.  It might be perfect but I'm a little hesitant because of the long commitment and the price.

As a friend recently said, the most important part of writing a memoir is finding (or revealing) your voice.  That's been tough for me.  You would think after over a year of writing on this blog I would have found my voice but every time I sit to write about my life in "memoir" form, I start to write in a way that I think books should be written as opposed to just talking in my own voice, with my own quirks and faults, which is what I need to make my voice authentic.

Though out my life, my best friends always told me that I should write a book because I would tell funny stories all the time about growing up in a crazy family.  When I told them that I was writing a memoir they were thrilled.  One said, "what will be different about your memoir is that the stories will have your quirky and crazy sense of humor."  I told her that I just didn't know how to write funny.  Everything I write tends to sound like a sociological analysis of the need to belong and be loved.  It's so preachy and sappy.  Why can't I make it funny and light and say the same things about my life?  Is it funny to be a kid that leaves her country at 8 and never feels quite right again until she meets a man that loves her so completely that he gives her a sense of belonging she's been searching for since childhood?  How can I make that funny?  I'm sure there's a way.

I'll will try and figure it out. I will either succeed, which will be totally awesome, or fail, which will suck but will give me more material for the stories I tell people at parties!

Today I'll be thinking about how to bring out my own voice in print.

Any suggestions welcome!  :)

Testing The Waters

I bit the bullet and signed up for a writing workshop.  It's a one-day six hour long workshop  on Saturday about essay writing taught by a writing professional.  I'm so nervous about it.  Mostly because I'm afraid I'll get there and realize that I'm a terrible writer and have no real shot of creating something good.

I was writing yesterday about my life in Vancouver and in the middle of typing I just stopped and looked at the screen and thought: "Who the hell is going to care about this? How is this interesting at all to anyone but me?"

There are numerous times each day that I think I'm wasting my time doing this project.  That I'm just kidding myself if I think a non-writer can just sit down and write an entire book without years of experience and publications under her belt.  That, frankly, I'm just delusional about the whole thing.

But then I remember the promise I made to myself and to you.  The statement that I've made about myself by making this promise out loud for the world to hear.  That I will do this thing no matter how hard and how unlikely it may seem to others.  And that makes me want to keep going. 

Just write one word at a time.  Take one step at a time.  Go to the workshop and see how it goes.  Don't worry about your husband having to take care of the kids all day by himself.  He'll be fine.  The kids will be fine.  Just go. 

Nike really hit the nail on the head when they came up with: Just Do It!

Writing Down Your Life

So I didn't actually write the story yesterday but I started.  Does a few sentences count?

I was so emotionally twisted up yesterday and so tiered.  I just couldn't keep my eyes open the whole day.  And then I had a lovely night out with some friends.  I have to remember not to talk about my "job" or my stories that I'm working on so much.  I'm sure it's not that interesting to others.  Especially since I'm still in the process of working it all out. 

I'm excited to see a good friend, Kate, today who I consider a great writer.  She's got a wonderful blog and I think she writes very naturally.  And on top of that, she's just a really fun and supportive person.

OK, it's 9:30 am, I will write for at least one hour today.  :)

Oh, and I was thinking about new link to this blog...something about writing down your life.  I think everyone has a story to tell and I love the whole writing-down-your-life movement that has flourished because of blogs and the proliferation of memoirs.

What do you think?  writingdownyourlife.com? 

A Picture Is Worth Five Hours

The days can go by so fast and you suddenly turn around and wonder what you even got done in the last week.  I'm terrified of not being productive now that I don't have a regular job.  I say "regular" because I am fully into this writing challenge so I'm counting that as my new job.  One of the main problems, however, with this job is that I may never actually get paid for it!  Oh well.  C'est la vie!

Ok, going back to being terrified of doing nothing productive.  I find myself each day ready to attack my writing chores...write, read, think, write.  But then something (or more accurately many things) happen each day to steer me away from that task.  The TV's not working, the bathroom sink is dripping, it's teacher appreciation week (gifts, cards flowers), play dates, groceries, life...AHHHH, it's just stuff I have to get done but it doesn't contribute to my self regulating job.

So I've decided that instead of being totally hard on myself, I will be happy if I do something, even if not writing or reading, that forwards my cause.  Yesterday that thing was organizing over 20 years of pictures. You see, I sat down to write a great story about my mom's opposition to birthdays and my 11th birthday fiasco when I realized it would be so great if I could find a picture from that time to spark some authentic visions and memories.  So before typing one work, I was off to the basement to find that picture.  Well, as anyone that has attempted to organize a giant box of pictures knows it can take forever and lead you to wasting your whole day looking at horrible outfits and should-be-outlawed hair styles.

Five hours later, I had a box of organized pictures and an aching back.  No story written but I found some great pictures.  A lot of the pictures made me sad but they helped me to appreciate today, which is always good.

Today's task, actually writing a draft of that story!

:)

The Not So Big Reveal

You might have noticed that I've changed my name and e-mail address in my profile section.  I thought it was time to take off the mask and be authentic.  This was especially important to me because my entire journey for this project is one of authenticity.  My memoir is a lot about being your true self regardless of the world of differences around you.

So for those of you that didn't know the real me, here I am.  Rebecca.  And I will go forward, in the same way that I've been doing the last few weeks, to share my writing thoughts, struggles, triumphs and lessons with you.

One thing that I need to do to finish the unmasking is to change my website link.  I need to say goodbye to www.anastasiaspeaks.com and adopt something more fitting.  Any suggestions?  I want something simple that reveals something about me, my path, and my blog.  I'm having a hard time coming up with something.

I thought of the following as possibilities:

Whitepicketfence - It was taken.  I love this because of its happy life feeling.
Thegift - taken.

I want a happy, idealistic but not naive, achieving your dream, anything is possible kind of name.

Hmmm.  What do you think?

One Step At A Time

I was thinking today about how boring it might be for you to read day after day about the struggles and triumphs I am going through to reach my goal, my dream.

But I want you to know that just having this outlet every day is so powerful for me.  Writing is such an incredibly lonely and personal pursuit.  It's one with little tangible rewards.  There are no instinct gratifications (which I'm a huge addict of, one of the reasons I've always struggled with having a healthy relationship with food) or positive reinforcements in this kind of job.

That's one of the reasons I gave up trying last year before I even really started.  One story published, a few tries in other outlets and I gave up.  It was too hard.  It chances of any reward were low and even when on the off chance I got the rewards, I found the financial payback pitiful in light of the money I could make as a lawyer doing a small fraction of the writing work and effort.

But now, somehow, things are different.  I've come back to it with a different mind set.  And I'm more determined than I've ever been.  That's doesn't mean, however, that it's easier.

It's still incredibly hard.  You have to motivate yourself every day.  There is no external schedule, pressure, timeline, guidance, structure.  All the things that make regular jobs doable for a lot of people.

To be self disciplined, every day, is a mountain that seems too insurmountable to climb.  But I'm trying to  just take one step forward at a time.  Some days, the steps are so small that I'm not sure if they really even matter.  But I take them anyway.  A page here, a paragraph there, a thought written down, a idea formed.  That's all I have right now.

So I'm keeping this going.  And every single step I'm going to share on this blog because it really helps me sort it out in my head.

Thanks for sharing this time with me.

You Need A Lead In

I'm so excited this morning!

I had a break through.  I big giant breakthrough.  I've been struggling with how to tell these stories.   For the sake of just doing it, I've been writing the stories down as they come to me but they seemed to just float in the air without a tether to anything.  How do I make these stories relevant to my bigger life story or to my identity.  How do I make anyone care about reading the story when they don't know why I'm writing them or what their individual themes are.

Well, last night as I was reading Writing About Your Life, by William Zinsser, it hit me.  I need a lead in paragraph that is separate from but related to something in the story that talks about why I'm telling the story, why it's important to me and gives a hint of it's conclusion.

I got up this morning and the lead ins to my essays became somewhat apparent to me.  And it felt like a light bulb turning on.  I woke up my husband (poor husband) and told him the lead in to one of my favorite stories and after a few initial grumbles (which I forgave because of his sleepy state) he actually thought the lead in was really good.

Figuring this out and making it work for at least one story gives me hope.

A Year Goes By In A Flash!

Let me ask you question.  Would you work on a project for an entire year knowing that the chances that the project has a successful result is less than 1%?

That's what I have decided.  That I'm going to work for a year on something that realistically has a very small chance of being published or even being read by more than a handful of people.

And also, while doing it, I have people close to me saying that no one will want to read about the life of a regular person unless it's something "interesting" that is written in extraordinarily beautiful way implying that I don't really have anything too unusual or interesting to say (even if I can write beautifully which is certainly not the case right now even though I'm working on it).

It's not that I don't have supportive family and friends.  I think they say the same thing anyone in the publishing industry would say.  The chances are very very small that I will succeed.  Period.

I've been thinking a lot about this.  The hard work that I'll have to put in (and some money to pay for the workshops, books, and supplies) knowing that it is likely to result in nothing more than a year long writing exercise and a story for my children.

Having digested this I'm still determined to do it and this is why.

1. A year is not that much time.  What other great achievement am I going to accomplish in a year that I'm putting aside to do this?  I'm writing and reading during my spare time and once the kids both are in school in September, I will have more dedicated time to do this.

2. Everyone has an interesting story.  I think the challenge is digging down and telling the truth about the human elements that make us who we are:  fear, insecurity, sorrow, the desperate need to belong, love, joy, passion, happiness.

3. I want to write well.  I want to see myself creating a beautiful product that I'm proud of.  I want to share my story with the hope of not only being understood but also maybe connecting with others that have felt the same way I have throughout my life.

4. And the money I'll be spending...well, that will have to be an investment in just trying something big.

How do you like that?  Giving myself a pep talk....

Training For The Marathon

Have you ever sat down and written for three or four hours straight? 

I haven't.  I mean, besides college or law school when I was writing a paper or studying for an exam.  Even in all these years working as an attorney, I'm not sure if I ever actually wrote something nonstop for that long.  Usually, there are breaks between the writing where you talk to people, you check e-mails, you research stuff, you go back and read or edit what you have written already.  For me, especially for the legal work, the reading and editing of material was much more time consuming that the writing of it.

I have a feeling that it's the same with being a writer.  That re-writing and crafting is probably the more time consuming part.  But you have to actually write a lot first to have enough material that you can go back and piece together for a real story that flows and reads nicely. 

And to have that, I'm going to have to get used to writing at least a few hours every day.  The author that recently got back to me with advice said that she writes anywhere form 3 to 6 hours EVERY DAY!

Oh my God!  That's a lot of writing.  I've been thinking about it a lot and I realized that the most I've done in terms of creative non-fiction writing is maybe an hour or so at a time.  The rest of the time I was thinking about it and then going back and re-reading and editing the short pieces that I'd written.

It's like running I guess.  The more you train, the longer you can go.  You can't just start off running 20 mile race if you haven't even ran a single mile in years. 

I'm starting the training today.  I'm going to see how long I can just write the stories that I intend to share.

Wish me luck. 

P.S. If you hadn't guessed it, this post is me procrastinating after my first 20 minutes of writing.  :)

Reaching Out For Advice

Yesterday, I reached out to an established writer that I barely know for some advice.  She was the editor of the compilation book in which my short personal essay was published last year.

I was a little nervous about it but thought since she was also once a lawyer and has small kids she could relate to my situation.  I was pleasantly surprised to hear back from her so quickly with some helpful suggestions.

My first question was about who should read my material and give me feedback.  A few friends have offered to read my work as I go along and give me feedback.  Also, my husband is a great writer and I wanted to use him too.  She said that I shouldn't do either of these and that instead I should find a writer or teacher to do professional editing.  I think this might be the best thing.  I was hesitant getting my friends involved because of the mixing-friends-and-business issues.  Also, my poor husband is so busy and I don't think I want to have the little time we have with each other be filled up with writing critiques.

The second thing she said that I found interesting was that most of writing is re-writing.  I'd heard that before but it really resonated with me this time.  I've been writing a little more each day but I've still been too hesitant to just write because my thoughts are not complete and my sentences not right.  I need to just get the stories and thoughts on paper and go from there.

The last thing she said was surprising.  She said that when I was ready, she could help me find an agent. Wow.  That's pretty generous considering I don't know her from Adam.

Each day I move a little closer to making it happen!  :)

Dark Places

Writing about my dark times and my family's personal dark times is going to be HARD.

But for some reason, I think it will be doable.

We all have them.  Even the people that act like or tell you that they don't have them.

I'm thinking it will help me work some stuff out too.

"Good morning!" She said while walking in the door.

I had a little bit of a panic moment last night when I realized that I don't really know how to write good dialogue.  One year of posts and I think I included dialogue only a hand full of times.

How the hell am I going to write an entire memoir when I don't know how to write dialogue?  Suddenly, a year seems like a very short time to learn everything I need and write something worthwhile.

Then I slowly talked myself off the edge and went on-line and read a couple of articles about how to write dialogue (surprise, surprise, almost all of the articles said listen to dialogue in the real world then practice writing it down and reading it out loud).

This is going to be real work!

Any tips you have on this?

Bird By Bird

I'm so happy that I have this medium to share my thoughts and communicate with you.  It's already been so helpful in terms of encouragement and more importantly great advice.  A lot of you have told me to just write.  This is probably the best advice, or reminder, any writer could get.  And I'm taking it to heart.

The other thing I'm doing is reading a lot.  Yesterday, I mentioned a writing book that I was reading.  In response, Sherilee, my dear blog friend that I hope to meet in real life one day soon, suggested the book Bird by Bird.  

Her suggestion was more significant than she could have imagined.  Many years ago, a friend gave me the book because she had heard me talking about my writing dreams.  At the time, that's all they were.  Dreams.  I used to talk about it once in a while more like a distant fantasy than anything I expected to actually happen.  When she gave it to me I tried reading it but after a few pages I put it down.  I didn't really connect to what the writer was saying in the book.  I never picked it up again thinking that it wasn't that good.

Well, last night, because of Sherilee's suggestion, I decided to give it another try.  I started reading and couldn't stop.  What she said not only made perfect sense to me but was a good guide in terms of the steps I need to take today and every day going forward if I want to complete my challenge.  

The difference between all those years ago and today is that I'm so much more ready to receive her message.  I credit a great deal of that to this blog.  When I started this blog some friends didn't understand why I was "wasting" time writing on a blog.  But the one year I spent writing every day (and the very small publishing triumph which came out of the blog) gave me what I needed to start on this journey: the practice of writing on a regular basis, the courage to try and express thoughts on paper quickly without fear of mistakes or criticism, and the knowledge that something wonderful can come out of that writing.

That was a very long way of saying thank you for sticking with me on my blog and giving me feedback.  It means a lot.

Writers Writing About Writing

The thing about writing books are that they're written well.  :)

Not a surprise there but I think it's funny nonetheless.

I'm now reading The Elements of Story by Francis Flaherty, an editor at The New York Times.

Not a hundred percent relevant to my work but great tips on story telling.

To Capitalize Or Not?

Before I can write a book, I need to figure out how to actually write.

I'm reading a few great memoirs including Angela's Ashes and I just realized after several decades of writing that I'm not fully utilizing (and to be honest, did not really know all the ways) to correctly use a colon. 

One of the things that suprised me is that you can start the connecting sentence after the colon with a lower case letter.  I thought you always had to capitalize that first letter after the colon.  But reading these great writers and doing some research I realize now that my understanding was incorrect.  Although some writing manuals say that you should always capitalize the connecting sentence, there are equally legitimate other authorities that say you don't have to do it (unless it is a quotation or more than one sentence).

So there you have it, I'm still learning how to write sentences. 
Boy, this is going to be a long journey!  :)

Considerations of Cultural Identity

Some interesting developments on the subject matter of my book.  I saw an old friend recently that was taken aback by the fact that I was going to write about struggles with my culture or heritage.  Her fear was that because I come from a country that already has some negative stereotypes in the American media then anything disparaging I say about that country or culture will be blown out of proportion and used to further the negative misunderstandings of that country.

I have to say that she said it in a way that I found hurtful and patronizing but she did bring up something that I will have to think about very carefully.  When writing about anything like cultural identity, even if it is strictly ones own views of that identity, one needs to be careful not to generalize the entire culture or country.

My story is simply that, it is my story.  And I will work to make sure that whatever conclusions I reach about my culture will be based on only what I have seen and not a total evaluation of the past or the current  people of that culture.

Talking to her, or rather debating her, for the last few days has brought to light the fact that revealing myself in a memoir will have a marked impact on the relationships I have in my life.  Some good and some not so good.  But I'm ready for that.  I think you reach a place in your life where you are ready to show your authentic self to the world and inevitably some will like that self and some will not.  And that's OK.

Ready to Learn

I'm so excited.  I had a great talk with my mom and she was so supportive of my book project.  This was the first time that I felt like she really understood what I was trying to do and saw my vision for the book. I read her the summary of what the book would be about and she thought it was great.

You know how sometimes you want to do something but the timing just doesn't seem right for one reason or another.  It could be because you're just not ready or the circumstances around you are not aligned for the thing you want to happen.

Well, I've wanted to write a book for many years but I've never felt like the elements in my life were right for it and looking back, I was not ready either.  I needed time to explore different things and to learn about both the writing process and my own capabilities.

Now that I'm ready and other elements seem to also be falling into place.  I'm ready to ask the right questions about how to do this and I have a better picture of the areas that I need to research and improve to put out a good story.  I'm so excited about this process.

Does that make any sense?

Blog Past, Present and Future

After my one year blog challenge, I struggled with what I would do with this blog.

As most of you know, I started this blog as a challenge to myself to write everyday for an entire year.  I started June 2008 and for one year I wrote something every single day, rain or shine, sick or healthy, at home or far away.  I did that challenge for a few reasons; to see how it would feel to write continuously, to see if the process would help me improve my writing and eventually lead me to a new writing career and to create something that would memorialize my thoughts and life.  The challenge was successful in that it accomplished a few of these things.  I ended up writing much more than I would have without the challenge (every single day for an entire year was much harder than I had ever anticipated) and I created a book for my family that memorialized one year of my life and provided a good picture of who I am and how I see the world.  I'm so grateful that I was able to give this gift to myself and my family.  What it didn't do, however, was convince me that I was destined for a writing career.

After this goal ended, I wondered what my challenge would be for the next year (June 2009-2010).  I tried a few things (knitting, painting, and my latest one...entertainment blogger!) but didn't stick to any of them and as the challenge vacuum grew so did my work responsibilities.  So instead of creating a new goal, I concentrated more on my legal work and discipline for the next year.  The decision was not a conscious one but I'm glad it turned out this way.  I was able to improve my legal skills and learn a lot about what it takes and means to be a sole practitioner.  But as the work volume, complexity and scope increased I started to question whether the work was what I ultimately wanted to do at this time in my life.  After some consideration, I decided that the time away from my young children should be time I spend doing something I truly love so I a few weeks ago I quit my stay-at-home legal practice completely.

It was a very hard decision for several reasons, the people I was working with had become like family to me over the last nine years and letting go of that relationship meant not only letting go of some of those close ties but also of the opportunity I had been given by them to continue my legal career on a very flexible schedule and on my terms.  I will forever be grateful to them for that.

Now that another year is upon me, I've decided to commit to a new challenge.  I'm going to write again.  And this time I will do it authentically and about something that is both extremely meaningful but also very difficult to write about and that is my long struggle and eventual peace with my culture and identity.

Just like the first challenge that I professed on this blog almost two years ago, I thought it would be fitting to share my next year challenge here.  I will write my story and make every attempt possible to publish it by June 2011, the same month that I turn 40.

I plan on continuing to blog periodically mostly because of the wonderful friendships that I've gained through this medium and also because I love being part of this supportive and caring community.

Handsome Men's Club

This is so funny.  Kimmel is just great!

Happy Weekend.    :)

Containers Galore

I have such a hard time throwing away boxes and containers, especially if they're cute in any way.  Although that is not a prerequisite.  I currently have four medium sized moving boxes in my office that I just can't get rid of because the boys used them one day for playing robot men and now every time I see them I think what if they want to play with them again and I've thoughtlessly thrown them away!!

And then there are the dozen or so plastic, paper, metal or wooden boxes that I have acquired.  They are old food containers (mostly cute cookie or sweets) or gift containers that I can't stand to let go of.  What if I can reuse them somehow?

And then there are the bags...OH THE BAGS!  I will keep practically any bag that enters my house.  What's more useful than a bag?  And they come in all varieties, plastic, paper, cotton, big, small, medium, from stores, from friends, free gifts, left behind...it doesn't matter how it ends up in my hands, once it's here it sets up its home and never leaves!

But I've been thinking these days, maybe I should clean house and let go of some of that stuff.  What do you think?

Life's Tidbits

"Mommy, you're the best girl in the whole world."  3 year old son in response to me giving him a napkin to clean his face.  I'm just thrilled he called me a girl!  :)

Yummy Granola!

I've always loved granola and wanted to make my own, especially now that my son eats it every morning for breakfast.  This recipe from My First Kitchen has inspired me to try and actually do it!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Granola Bars

• 2 cups old-fashioned oats
• 1/4 cup chopped walnuts (or whatever nut you have around)
• 1 cup crispy rice cereal
• 1/4 cup shredded coconut (totally optional)
• 1/3 cup chocolate chips
• 3 tbsp ground flaxseed
• a pinch of salt
• 1/2 cup honey
• 3 tbsp dark brown sugar
• 1/3 cup smooth peanut butter (or any other nut butter you like)
• 1/2 tsp vanilla

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Toss together the oats and chopped nuts on a baking sheet lined with foil (for easy clean up), and toast those for 10-15 minutes until they're barely golden. You're just looking to take some of the raw texture out of both.
2. In a large bowl, toss together the cereal, coconut, chocolate chips, flaxseed, and salt. Once the oats and nuts are done, add those to the same bowl, and toss everything together.
3. In a small saucepan, combine the honey and sugar over low heat, and stir that until the sugar dissolves. Be sure to keep stirring so the mixture doesn't burn. Add the peanut butter and vanilla, and stir over super low heat until everything is combined. Try not to eat this stuff with a spoon.
4. Now add the peanut butter mixture to the oat mixture, and stir together really well. Press it into a square 8x8 dish with a sheet of wax paper if you don't want your hands to get gross. You can also spray the pan with a little nonstick spray if you think about it. Don't fret if you forget.
5. Let everything cool in the fridge for a bit so the bars can set up. Cut them into squares (nine big ones or sixteen small ones), and keep them in an airtight container in the fridge for a good week. Or just break the granola into pieces; some of it won't stay in bar form anyway.

LOST Love

LOST rocks!  I'm going to miss it when it's finished.

Tonight's episode:  

• OMG, I knew "the package" was Desmond.  
• I'm so sad that Sayid is not Sayid anymore.  I have a feeling that the Island Sayid will not last.
• Not much of Sawyer today...too bad.  The more Sawyer the better.  
• I'm ready for the "war" to start.  Who knew that Charles Widmore was one of the good guys?
• The Jin and Sun love story is sweet and man, Jin looked good in those flash backs.
• Love Jack again...

Inspiring People

Do you ever watch the Extreme Home Makeover?  The few times that I've seen it I cried like a baby.  But tonight I watched Dateline NBC: Circle of Hands and instead of having a show renovate a home, it was a local town deciding that a family among them was in need and coming together to do something amazing.

If you can still catch it, It's worth watching.  Again, cried like a baby practically throughout the whole thing.

We hear so much on the news about the horrible things people do to each other, crimes, war, tragedy, hardship...it's everywhere.  But then you also see that even in these hard economic times people are so generous, so thoughtful and so full of love for their fellow man.

It so inspiring and heartwarming and it reminds me to do more and give more in my own life.

How Far Would You Go For Your Craft?

Anyone watching Spartacus on the Starz channel?  OMG, it is insanely violence and sexual.  How do these actors do it?  Especially the nudity...it's crazy.  All these women and men walk around absolutely naked for long segments of the show...full frontal.  I'm not sure I would do that for my craft!

It Must Be Wrong

Is it wrong to resent the other similar aged mother on the beach with two little kids just because she has a perfect bikini body?

Remembering The Sweet Moments

You know how there are those small moments in life that completely blow you away emotionally.  Beautiful moments you wish you could bottle and release when things don't look so rosy?

I had two of them recently with my oldest son.  And for no other reason than to make sure I remember them, I'm writing them down:

I was shepherding my boys up the stairs to get ready for bed.  My oldest son stopped, looked up at me and asked me to carry him.  I haven't carried him up the stairs in years since he's almost five but I was feeling nostalgic of the time when he was a little boy so I said sure.  I lifted him up and held him tight against me.  He put his arms around me neck, leaned his head on my shoulder and whispered "you're the best mommy in the world, I love you so much."  OMG, I melted inside but tried to keep it together and just said "I love you too."

A few days later....

After having a few hours of some special one-on-one time with him, I caught him staring into the distance.  I asked him what he was thinking about.  He looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said "I was thinking about what to make for you to say thank you for what you did."

Again, OMG, could life be like this every day?  

Write down the special moments with your kids somewhere so you can go back and remember them when they're teenagers that just grunt at you and run up to their rooms.   :)

Betrayed By Cheerios

This is just wrong.  Cheerios and chocolate.

I struggle each day to keep sugary things, candies, and chocolates away from my children and then this comes out.

I'm just hoping that they don't see it.  I don't want to have to explain why they can't have their favorite cereal (the real one, with no extra colors or sugars) and their favorite (and occasional) treat cannot, under any circumstances, become their breakfast.

I know how this goes, eventually they will be exposed to it and once they have it, it will be so hard to go back to a time when they had no idea what it tasted like.  That's what happened with chocolate milk.  I was able to keep my children from having any chocolate milk until my son was four and a half years old.  Then one day at a friend's house the other kids were having it and they got it and the rest is history.  I was OK with that because I was there to make that decision and thought it was the right time. 

I'm not opposed to chocolate milk, cookies, ice cream or any other treat, per se, and I support a free market economy but I find it so offensive when cereal companies or any other food companies that primarily market to children, create products that even the most lenient of parents would find completely inappropriate.

A Little Me A Little Celebrity!

I've been dying to tell you all the details of our trip but work has completely consumed me.   It's been a pretty tough few weeks in fact and it's made me rethink my priorities.  More on that later!  Once this work project is over I'll get back to posting a lot more often.

For now, I wanted to leave you with an update on Conan and a tell you about a little cat fight and how I'm connected to it!

Conan just announced that he is doing a 30 city comedy tour called The Legally Prohibited From Being On Television Tour (is that hilarious or what?) and apparently he is not going to be making any money from the tour, he's only doing it to keep the members of this former show working for a while longer!

I knew I liked him for a reason.  He is just decent and funny to boot!

And on a much sillier and cattier note, apparently there is a big feud between Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stranger and Real Housewives of NY Bethenny Frankel.  I'm not sure of all the details but there is some name calling going on over Patti's friend Jill Zarin from the Housewives show.

I don't watch either show (although I have seen a few minutes of each show in years past), but the reason I bring it up is that I actually "met" Bethenny a few months ago and she made quite an impression on me.


I was in NY for the Sherlock Holmes premier (I know, how fancy of me...but I was just a guest of a friend of a friend) and while standing in the lobby of my friend's apartment building I saw Bethenny walk in with her dog.  Since we were in a small lobby facing each other, I smiled and said "hi, how are you?"  Honestly, I didn't even realize who she was at first.  I thought it was someone I knew because her face was familiar.  Well, she looked at me with what can only be described as a mixture of indifference and disdain.  It was so rude.  I asked my friend about it and she said that Bethenny had just moved into the building and was already giving people the nose up attitude.  These reality TV people are just ridiculous.


That's my media news for today! :)

It's Not Called A Vacation

I just got back home after a few days of what some people may call vacation but I would argue deserves another name.

Two little kids (first ever trip to a place other than grandparents' house), freezing cold weather, tons of stressful work (I know, why am I working on vacation?), hotel room with not enough beds, change in time zone (the worst part for especially the 3 year old), irregular foods (you know what I mean...kids get so used to certain foods), sleep deprivation for everyone, and a two-flight trip across the country without the husband.  If it wasn't for the lovely friend I was visiting and her adorable kids, I would have really kicked myself for doing that trip at all!

I will elaborate soon (as I'm passing out from fatigue and still have to put the kids to bed) but needless to say, I will think very carefully before doing this again.

Oscar Night!

It's here...Oscar night!  I thought for some reason that I could sit uninterrupted with my girlfriend, whom I'm visiting on the west coast, and enjoy all the Hollywoodenss of the evening with lots of yummy food.  But that's not going to happen.  You see I brought my kids because I just didn't want to be without them but now sitting in my girl friend's house I realize that taking care of my two boys and her taking care of her two boys, all four under 6 years old, will prevent us from bundling up in front of the TV for the night.

But, we will try our best!  I'll be running in and out of the TV room trying to get as much of the Oscar stuff as I can while playing mediator, child care professional, chef and the rest of the things that go with being a mom.

So without further a adieu, here goes my commentary on the evening:

- Sandra Bullock's dress...GORGEOUS!  Wow.

- LOVE Jennifer Lopez's dress but seriously didn't like Sarah Jessica Parker.  Not to be catty but Sarah is looking really old these days.  I like her generally but that dress and hair made her look worse than she usually looks.  Jennifer Lopez, that girl's got some good make up and eye brow people...she's looking good.

-LOVE Meryl Streep and that white dress is great I think.  It looks good on her and works I think.  What do you think?

-OK, strange way to start the night...not sure if I liked it...maybe.

- OMG, why is Neil Patrick Harris doing this beginning song?  I LOVE him.  He's so perfect.  What a fun surprise?  He was so great doing the Emmys!

-What do you think of the two host thing?  Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin!  I so love Alec Baldwin...he was beyond funny in It's Complicated.

- I so don't like Quentin Tarantino.  His movies are so violent and dark.

- What's up with George Clooney?  He seems like he is devoid of all humor tonight.  He keeps making faces at the hosts.  Maybe he just doesn't like award shows.

- What a GREAT montage of John Hughes movies.  Loved those.

- Short film acceptance award...what happened there?  The woman interrupting the guy trying to make his acceptance speech.  It was so weird and awkward.

- Mo'Nique's speech was good.  She looks great.

The middle is pretty boring.  Nothing to report.

What do you think so far!?

- Yeah!!! The Argentinean movie won the best foreign movie.  Congrats to my dear friends from Argentina! :)

- Best leading man...what a great presentation.  I loved how they had each actor being introduced by a close colleague.  Not a surprise win....I so wish I had seen Crazy Heart!

-Best leading actress...what amazing women!  And did we know Oprah was going to grace us with her presence?  I was surprised.  I love Meryl Streep and loved the movie.  But Sandra Bullock is so lovely.  And what a great speech.  So true.  The mothers that love their babies, no matter where they come from. Love.

-First best woman director...awesome...it's about time!  :)

Wow, surprise best movie!  I have definitely got to see it now.  Congratulations to The Hurt Locker!

You're Invited!!

Hi ladies!  It's almost Oscar night and I'm super excited.  I didn't get to see all the Oscar movies but I did make a good a dent.  I saw Nine, Up In The Air, An Education, Avatar, Julia and Julia, Up and The Hangover (OMG so funny!).

Since I can't do an Oscar party I'm going to do something almost as good, I'm going to have a virtual Oscar Party.  There will be champagne, caviar, yummy hors d'oeuvres, and lots of decadent desserts (well, pictures of them anyway).

I'm going to do a running commentary of the Oscars from the dresses, to the speeches, to the who should and shouldn't have wons!

Please drop by if you have a minute and join me in an Oscar night extravaganza.  I'd love to hear what you think of all the Oscar night elements.  I'll be responding to all comments and hoping to get a good old fashion Oscar row going on the very precise science of best actingness.  :)

Are you going to watch?  Any fun plans for the night?

A Little Post Olympics Humor

David Letterman is usually pretty funny, especially when he does the Top Ten lists with the actual celebrity talking about himself.  If you like Evan Lysacek or Letterman's Top Tens, I think you'll get a kick out of Evan listing off his top ten thoughts during his gold medal performance!  His reading is kind of awkward but since he's an Olympic athlete and not a TV performer, I gave him a pass. :)

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I think this song is hands down the most beautiful rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, besides the classic one by Judy Garland of course!  It's sung by a Hawaiian singer named Israel Kamakawiwo'ole who unfortunately dies in 1997.

I've probably listened to it several hundred times.  It's so lovely!

The Oldies But Goodies!

One of my oldest and dearest friends from high school is visiting.  There's something so special about spending time with someone that's known you for so long.  From when I was a strange insecure thirteen year old girl to me now as a little less strange and mildly more secure woman.

And knowing each other as mothers now, wow, that part is so great.

:)

To Old To Pattinson

I don't get it.  Seriously, am I just way too old to understand the ridiculous global hype about this guy?  Granted, I have not seen any of the Twilight movies nor read the books but still, wouldn't you think that if this guy was all that the millions of crazed fans think he is I would at least be able to understand the appeal?  He's just a better than average looking young guy.  There are dozens of them all over the place in Hollywood.  Why him?
 

Sweet 5 Year Old

I saw this on Sherilee's blog, Sweet Tea and Sunshine, and I had to share it.  It made me laugh and tear up at the same time.

It's a clip from the Bonnie Hunt show about a 911 call from a 5-year-old girl. My son is almost five so it hit home in a familiar way. I could just feel her vulnerability and maturity as she was talking to the dispatcher.

The Other F Word

There's been a lot of talk about the issue of fatness recently.  With ABC's Nightline debate or "face off" between the fat "supporters" and the fat "haters," Kirstie Allen's appearance on Ophra to talk about her new show on her weight struggles, and Kevin Smith's too-fat-to-fly incident, just to name a few (very few as it's on almost every morning show and cable news program).

It's been frustrating listening to all the media reports on this issue.  Every story the media does is either about how fat is killing America or let's love ourselves no matter how fat we are (as evidenced by the Nightline piece).  Neither of these really address the very serious issue of health.  Everyone is scared of offending one group or another.  Is it OK to be fat?  Obviously there is no one answer to this, even if the media wants to boil it down to a yes or a no.  Like most things in life, it depends on the particular facts of the case (can you tell I'm a lawyer?).

Science is science and no matter how uncomfortable it makes some groups, it's important to look at how weight and physical condition is impacting your overall health.  Does it matter if your size is not what one group or another considers "beautiful" or "sexy" or anything else desirable?  No, not really.  Standards of beauty are so diverse - throughout the world and throughout the ages.  So I completely support the notion that you should love yourself and feel beautiful regardless of media or society's norms, whether you're bigger or smaller than what these norms dictate.  However, I reject the notion that you should do that with a blind eye towards your own health and physical well being.

Here's a picture of the Nightline debate.  The video of the debate is included in the link above.

Here's the video about Kevin Smith's ordeal.  I think his situation raises a bunch of issues of its own but my thoughts on that will have to wait for another time.  :)

The Dirty Underbelly of Politics

Today, John Edward's right hand man, Andrew Young and his wife, Cheri, were on Oprah talking about their involvement in the national deception that Edwards orchestrated about his affair and the child that came out of that affair.

The interview was horrendous and shocking.  I've written previously about how disgusted I've been by Edwards' decisions regarding his affair but this interview not only confirmed my feelings but if possible, elevated my disrespect for this man.

Andrew Young talked about his book and all the details of the deception that he and his wife participated in.  It was clear in the interview that Andrew and his wife were looking for sympathy for what they've been through.  But all I saw was two unethical self serving people that participated in an incredibly sad and dirty cover up and then when they realized that they were not going to be "taken care of" by Edwards, were willing to air everyone's dirty laundry for money. 

The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach.  Here is the piece on Oprah's website where you can see a short video and read the interview. There was one thing that the couple said that I do agree with, Elizabeth Edwards is the biggest victim of this ugly mess.

I was going to post a picture of Andrew and his wife but honestly, I just didn't want their image on my blog.

Yummy On A Stick!

One word.  Yum!

Isn't this the sweetest picture ever?  These are little cupcakes on a stick from Bakerella.  Here she is on Martha explaining how to make them!  I found the picture on Mon Cheri's blog and just can't stop looking at it and smiling.  :)

An Education Indeed

I saw a great movie recently.  It's an Oscar movie to boot.  It's called An Education.  I'm not sure if a lot of people have heard of it (I hadn't) as it's not your typical Hollywood movie, but if you get a chance I would recommend it.  It's very well acted, especially by Carey Mulligan, the girl that plays the main character.

It's about a 16 year old girl in 1960s England who gets seduced by an older charismatic man.  The movie is filled with surprises, most of which for me was how the parents handle this situation.  I found myself both identifying with her as a young girl opening her eyes to the world around her and also scared for her as she takes more and more steps towards adulthood.  I don't want to give anything away in case you see it but it is definitely one of those movies that makes you think and talk about it after you leave the theatre.

If you've seen it, I'd love to know what you thought!

Here's a trailer for the movie:

The Mystery of Snookie

Can someone please tell me why the Jersey Shore show is so popular?  I just don't get it.  Do people watch just to make fun of these kids?  Do the mistakes of others make watchers feel good about their own decisions?  Is ridicule now a national pass time?  Or is it just fun?  What do you think?

Snookie, the Situation (what the hell kind of names are these?) and the rest of the gang are on the View today.

Why?

Getaway To Thomasville

I am at the airport on my way home from a lovely weekend with my husband and some friends (sans kids!).  I always look forward to our weekend getaways like a little kid looks forward to Christmas.  I dream about it while the kids are climbing all over me, I smile about it as I'm running around the kitchen making the third meal and/or snack that is being demanded by each child, and I hunger for it as I patiently listen to my children yelling my name throughout the house.

And then the day finally comes and we're off.  Ready to enjoy a few days of grown up conversation, meals without interruption, and maybe even a movie!  And at first I love it.  Reading my book on the plane in silence without anyone climbing all over me wanting my attention.  But after a day or so the joy of being free turns into an emptiness.  I just don't feel right without the kids and the three or four calls to them doesn't do anything to help with my yearning to fly right back home.  I love being alone with my husband and I have a blast when we get to see our friends but I just don't like being away from the kids.  Part of it is the worry of something happening and me not being there and the other part is simply missing their presence around me.  Being able to give them a hug or kiss and seeing their smiling face.

Having said all that, I still love getting away for a few days.  It helps me recharge and allows me to look at my life with a fresh perspective.

And it's also fun seeing new places.  Here are a few pictures from our visit to the Pebble Hill Plantation in Thomasville, Georgia!  It was such a lovely town.

Real People, Real Stories

To me, there is nothing as beautiful and important as a person's story.  Everyone's story is meaningful no matter who they are and to put down that story in words is magical and transformative.  I hope one day to take this journey but for now I'm happy reading about other people's journeys.

I've always loved memoirs but a few years ago I read one called The Glass Castle that just blew me away.  If you haven't read it, I highly recommend picking it up, you will be moved by this woman's life.

Ever since reading her book, I've been even more drawn to memoirs.  Real stories by real people.  Incredible stories of love, joy, suffering, tragedy, redemption, pain, strength, family, and everything else you could possible imagine.  I wonder now why I would spend my few precious hours reading anything but these.  Why read made up stories when there are such beautiful words about real life.

In the last year or so, I've read a bunch of interesting memoirs including The Middle Place, Open, Eat, Love, Pray, The Mistress's Daughter and Driving With Dead People.

Now I'm reading a great one called Hope's Boy.  It's about a boy that was thrown into the foster care system, his struggles and ultimate survival and his unending love of the mother that couldn't take care of him.  As a mother, it's hard to read in parts but also beautiful and moving.  

Have you read any of the ones I mentioned above?  I would love any memoir recommendations that you have! :)

The Time Thief

Two hours of my life that I'll never get back.  It was not well written, directed, thought through or acted.  I do not recommend this movie....

A Little LOST Fun

I'm so loving Lost these days. Yes, it's frustrating being twisted around the crazy minds of the writers and having to maneuver through all mysteries and puzzles but I'm starting to see it come together and it's fun!

I really liked the last episode. One thing that kind of made me laugh was the little boy. Throughout this show whenever you think you have reached the "one" with the most power, whether it be, the Others (several iterations), Ben, Lock, Jacob, the smoke (as Lock), you suddenly find that in fact there is something (or someone) more powerful bossing around the one that you thought had the power.

So now the little boy, whom I'm assuming represents the Island, is the one that gets to tell the evil Lock what to do. And Sawyer, man, he's got some guts on him just following Locke knowing he very well might kill him at any moment.

And I loved last week when he confessed his deep love of Juliet. They were by far my favorite couple during this show...I found the way they came together and fell in love so romantic...and I loved Sawyer for finding that after being so jaded all his life.

Going back to the power struggle, we have (1) the Asian head of the Others in the Temple, (2) Jacob, while dead still able to be present; (3) the smoke in Locke, (4) the "chosen" ones which include Sawyer, Said, Jack etc.; and (5) of course, probably the most powerful one, the Island (seen in the boy?).

I'm sure I'm missing a whole bunch of things but that was my quick and dirty summary of it. Then I found this amazing Wikipedia page outlining the description and history of each character. OMG, I could easily waste many hours reading this. Yes, folks, I'm little obsessed.

And in honor of the obsession, here are a couple of videos:

OMG, so funny, all the nicknames Sawyer has used; parts 1 and 2!






A Letterman top 10 list from a million years ago...still pretty good!



And if you still haven't had enough, here's Jimmy Kimmel in Hawaii with the Lost cast and crew:

Love That Karen Walker!

Anastasia is not my real name.  I chose it for my blog some time ago and have loved it every since. It's been so much fun!  I've enjoyed being able to have some privacy for myself and my family and also share my life with you and be part of this great blog world.

How did I choose that name you might ask?  Well, after some thought, I zeroed in on Anastasia Beaverhausen from the TV show, Will and Grace.  I used to love that show and that was a name that Karen would use when she was going incognito.  It made me laugh and I loved Karen's spunk and craziness so I decided that I would take it on.

Here's a few fun clips...go to 2:33 for Karen using her alias! :)



And this one is SO much fun.  It's a montage of Karen clips to the song Sex Bomb.  This made me laugh out loud!




And here's some fun Karen Walker bloopers from the show!



OMG, I could do this all day!  Love that Karen.  :)

Here's To The Girls Night Out

When it comes time to leaving the house for a girls night out I always hesitate.  I'm desperate to stay home.  Usually it's because I'm tired from a long day of kids, working, errands or simply running around and I just want to stay home and relax with my husband.  But then I think of my dear friends that are going to be trekking out (in this freezing weather) to meet me at whatever fun location we've decided to gather and I muster up all the energy I have left and head out the door.

I'm still not totally on board when I reach the restaurant but then we all get there and hug and settle in for a night of girl talk.  And within minutes I feel so lucky to have such wonderful friends in my life.  Friends to share the daily ups and downs of being a mother, a wife and a woman.  We share so much of ourselves without fear of judgement.  We laugh with each other at the silly things and encourage and support each other for the more serious moments.  We talk and talk until late in to the night and leave the place with a big smile on our faces.  

Thank goodness for girls nights out!

A Little Soap Box - Young Girl Peagants

While getting my occasional Golden Girls fix on the WE tv channel, I am periodically accosted by a commercial for the most horrible show called Little Miss Perfect.  It's a show about little girl beauty pageants and even though I have never seen it (nor do I have a little girl of my own), I shutter at the entire notion of this show.

The commercials show these little girls, as young as around 5 years old, being paraded around stage with tons of make up and completely inappropriate "show" cloths.  Then they show the mothers telling their  girls what they did wrong on stage and the girls breaking down in tears.  And then they show the "world-renowned pageant expert," so proud of his job, showing the girls how to strut just right on stage.  

The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach every time I see it.  Am I missing something or is this just seriously wrong!  And gross, and weird, and bad and sad.  Seriously, I just wonder how any mother could do this to their impressionable wide eyed just-learning-what-it-means-to-be-a-human being-in-the-world little girl.  Seriously!  Am I missing something?

Yo Gabba Gabba Conspiracy?

So I have this dear friend that has a dilemma.  Her daughter wants to have a Yo Gabba Gabba birthday party but she's completely opposed to the show.  She says that it has inappropriate overtones of an....how should I put this on my PG blog....intimate nature.  She says the name of one of the characters is very similar to a really bad word (which I had never heard of but she promised to share with me when we were in more adult company) and also she says that the shape of one of the characters is too similar to an intimate female contraption (and apparently she's not the only one!).

I find the show annoying personally but I've watched it with the kids and I think it has nice songs and good messages for kids - be nice to your friends, share, don't be scared, don't hit, etc.

I'm curious if you have ever heard this theory among moms?

Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

Wow, I was totally blown away by k.d. Lang's version of Hallelujah during the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympics last night. It reminded me of how much I love her voice. It's beautiful and moving.  I looked all day for a video of her singing it last night but just couldn't find it.

Here's k.d. Lang singing it four years ago.  Take a look.  The very end is so sweet.  The man she approaches is Leonard Cohen the Canadian singer-songwriter that wrote the song.  Last night's performance definitely topped this one but this one is still so good.

What did you think of the opening ceremonies?

Old Lady Valentine

Even though I don't say it often (OK, practically never), this tired grumpy old married lady still really appreciates a little romance.

Thank you husband, you made my day.   :)

Welcome to Vancouver! Let the games begin.

I've spent a great deal of time in Vancouver and have found it to be one of the most beautiful and interesting cities in the world. I'm thrilled that Vancouver gets to host this year's Winter Olympics. Have you ever visited?

Here is a great view of the city!



And if you haven't seen it already, take a look at the clip I posted yesterday of the Canadian Tenors with Celine Dion on Oprah!  It is so great.  I've already watched it ten times.  :-)

LOST Question

Did you see Lost on Tuesday? If you didn't and don't want to hear what happened then please don't read further.

OK, here's my question, if Claire's body was taken over by some evil force, wouldn't she have had to die first? Wasn't she alive and well the last time we saw her in the "cabin" with Jack's father?

Just curious...

Also, they better start explaining a bunch of the new mysteries soon including how the two different realities can co-exist (what the...) because the not knowing is driving me nuts!

Beautiful Canadian Voices

In honor of the start of the Winter Olympics in Vancouver tomorrow...here's a little Canadian Tenors love with Celine Dion on Oprah! They're really good but the best part is when Celine Dion walks out and they're all shocked but trying to keep their composure. And I love this song...they do it justice.

Check it out, I think you'll like it! :-)

American Idol Guy Impresses

I haven't been watching American Idol at all but I might have to reconsider after seeing this guy.  His name is Andrew Garcia and his rendition of Paula Abdul's Straight Up is goose bump good.

Take a look, it starts around the 40 second mark with his background.




What did you think?  Are you watching AI?